Press Releases


From Major Jenny Maquire 10.35 28/06/06

Initial Assessment: Massive Problem. Big Ben’s in ruins, the damn craft is lying in the Thames and the government are being less than helpful. Plus the wretched thing was caught on 57 traffic cams. If anything dares emerge from inside, the first thing it’s going to get is the Congestion Charge.

Containment hopeless, I’d say. Annie?

From Staff Sergeant A Frederick 10.39 28/06/06

Not necessarily. I think we need to accept and move on. Sometimes things are what they appear to be and sometimes they aren’t.

I’d advise hanging back and risking eventual full disclosure. Wait and see – it may, just may, all be a clever hoax.

From Corporal J Frinkstein 11.23 28/06/06

We’re liaising with the regular Army. We've reached the craft in the river. There’s something inside.

From Major Jenny Maguire 11:38 28/06/06

Report please. What have you found?

From Corporal J Frinkstein 11: 40 28/06/06

Sorry Sir. We were a bit taken aback... It appears to be a pig.

From Major Jenny Maguire 11:41 28/06/06

A pig?

From Corporal J Frinkstein 11:43 28/06/06

A space pig. Yes sir. In a spacesuit. Photograph uploaded. Between you and me, Sir, I think it’s rather sweet.

From Major Jenny Maguire 11:45 28/06/06

Sweet or not, it may still be hostile. Don’t touch it. And don’t fry it.

From Corporal J Frinkstein 13:28 28/06/06

Corpse taken to xenobiologists at Albion Hosp. We’re awaiting further examination but it seems to be inert.

I’m uploading a few pics from inside the craft and of control panel details. I don’t think we’re learning much.

From Lt. David Judd.

Agreed. There’s nothing we can use here – no proper telecommunications at all. Permission to pull my men out?

From Major Jenny Maguire. 13:44 28/06/06

Granted Lt.

A space pig. That's all we need. Perhaps we could defrost something else from stores. What about one of the squiddy things? The press’ll love those. Annie?

From Staff Sergeant A Frederick 13:54 28/06/06

There’s a press conference being arranged. UNIT involvement kept very minimal at this stage.

There’s a working party being assembled. We’re getting heavy round-table presence. But that’s about it. Tempted to suggest we just don’t show up and leave them to it.

From Major Jenny Maguire 14:40 28/06/06

The government is being useless. You’d think they either didn’t want to even attempt to contain the situation, or just didn’t care. My eyes are narrowed in their direction. Anyway, Govt have asked for all top experts. Rounded up all the usual suspects and packed them off to No 10. Also squaring off a few peeps from active operations. Frost's Team are coming over from Geneva. I'd like to see anyone face her down. If we give them our best, it’ll show willing. Seen the footage of Big Ben on the news again.

From Staff Sergeant A Frederick 15:35 28/06/06

Oh good grief. You’ll never guess who’s turned up!

From Major Jenny Maguire 15: 42 28/06/06

Who? Oh... Tell me you’re kidding!

From Staff Sergeant A Frederick 15:44 28/06/06

No joke, Major. Considerable improvement on last time.

From Major Jenny Maguire 15:46 28/06/06

Still. He’s got some nerve. Hope he’s wearing asbestos pants.

From Staff Sergeant A Frederick 15:48 28/06/06

Number 10 have knocked up a pass for him already. There’s a whole team down in Swindon who’ve leapt into action like excited monkeys. Have a butchers:

From Major Jenny Maguire 15:56 28/06/06

Hmmn. Well. I’ll still slap him if I see him.